blah blah here’s the stuff..

No, it’s probably not an original, but I decided to make a last second addition…

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That’s right. Did I just ruin this possibly perfect pizza? It’s likely, but I’m like the honey badger.

I don’t give a shit.

Next time, don’t buy the 3 dollar bag of shredded mozzarella. Get the 4 dollar log of fresh cheese, thank me later.

Note that the Combination flavor is the only way to go. Or I guess the Three Meat, if you like to get your freak on like that…

Did I ruin it? I don’t think so. I enjoyed it actually, and it was really filling too. Am I going to make it again?

Nope, it needs to be “life changing” for me to make something the same way more than once.

Ugggh.

I ate half this thing like two hours ago. I just finished True Grit on netflix, which was pretty good btw, and I’m STILL in a food coma.

You know what I want right this second?

Some IBC Cream Soda.  Hoooly crap… yeah, that would be good. Sure would beat this fridge water.

note to self-

Next time I make pizza,  use fresh sliced tomatoes, mozzarella cheese log, basil, IBC. That is all.

What is essentially a double stack (+lettuce, tomato, onion, and special sauce) was just as I expected. I would have preferred more sauce, as pickle and tomato seemed to overpower everything else between the tiny bun pieces.

Verdict:

You can’t go wrong with the $4.99 combo as five dollars for any choke and puke meal is getting harder to come by. However, Sonic’s $4.99 burger meal is MUCH better. Check your google maps for a nearby Sonic before slamming a W.

It was five bucks on Amazon. I would’ve paid six for another dollars’ worth of velcro. (uh ohhhh foreshadowiiiinnng).

Phone rings. I go to look at who it is. No need to remove from case.

“oh, it’s my douche ass friend.. I’ll stop and take the call..”

***removes velcro stra–OOOHH STRAP FELL OFF ALREADY AND I DIDN’T KNOW IT***

iPhone slides out of case via magical forces onto diamond-coated concrete sidewalk

iPhone bounces against pavement like it was angry at it

still bouncing

stops, face down

*pause for effect*

Well, there’s only one thing to do now, since iPhone 5 comes out in like one month anyways:

So yeah.. Sunday was a sad day for me.

No matter though, the next iteration is past due, and I’m up for a contract renewal…

The next couple days were rough. I felt empty along with my left pocket, and even felt ghost vibrations. Waiting in line was boring again. So were meetings at work. I felt disconnected from the world. I had to watch TV for news in the morning, check email/social stuff on an actual computer. Hell, I actually had to use a scanner at work on Tuesday. Luckily, my trusty feature phone made calls pretty well, as if it was trying to prove its worth.

Three days later, I go check the grave for animals, as I didn’t bury it that deeply.

GTFO

I go back inside.

Ok, so actually I got a replacement screen for under 8$ shipped on Amazon.

It’s legit. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s real glass–gorilla glass for eight dollars

Thanks to iFixit.com, it was a breeze.

(And I now have no dust under my glass which was annoying)

It was pretty dusty, but no grime.. just pocket lint. I was impressed by the super tiny screws too. They hold the LCD display onto the glass frame, which is glued to the glass and supported by a thin rubber gasket along the outer edge. Cool stuff.

Life is now back to normal.

I’m not gonna flat out lie, though… I was all gung-ho for the new Mickey-D’s angus burgers. Meh. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending a couple more bucks for that extra flair between two buns. Or perhaps my subconscious knows whats best for health, steering away from the processed food and towards the thick bacon strips and ripe avocado.

No matter what, I have realized the key to determine how well I truly savored a burger:

I slow the fuck down.

Yep. Eating, that is. Instead of swallowing chunks of cheesy soy burger, if my body is telling me slow down and enjoy it–it’s worth noting.

Unlike this:

Behold Steak n’ Shake’s “Royale.” Chili cheese fries aside, this was a disappointment. The egg tasted like fake egg. Like made-in-China fake egg. Like off-brand pizza rolls fake egg. Yeah. I’ll bet you’ve tried those pizza rolls.

Once.

Back to le royale…which sounds French.. now I hate it even more… I had a BOGO coupon, so I was like sure, let’s do it. My fellow food critic and I order our grub, and what I receive looks and smells great. The bacon seemed kinda pleasant. Ergo, I scarf it down like a starving Nigerian. What followed was a sense of complete and utter disapproval of this burger.

What a waste of money! If it weren’t for the scrumptious chili cheese fries, I’d probably call the manger and complain. Then he’d say, “Why did you eat the second one, then?” I’d be like, “because you’re dumb. That’s why.”

Jerk.

I was like yeah, that’s pretty cool. I had realized, one evening as I was doing some school work, that I had an issue with all pencils. Mechanical and old school ones. The lead gets flat, my numbers get all thick and faded, and then I have to rotate the pencil. Some mechanical pencils (cheap ones) don’t even grip the lead tightly enough to keep the lead from turning as you press down, and the lead will instantly turn face-down again. ARGGHH!!

So, I now had an excuse to push aside my scholarly duties and perform a google search. I came up with the almighty solution from Uni-ball. The Kuru Toga.

Now, it’s not a pretty thing. However, it does this cool thing which turns the lead just a little every time you lift off the paper. As soon as I read this, I was thinking it would have to go down when it hits the paper–which will feel weird. This tiny ratcheting motion seemed to go unnoticed in the reviews, and I have this thing about aluminum (don’t ask), so when I saw the Kuru Toga Roulette, I pulled out my wallet.

See that little knurled grip? Aluminum. Amazing.

Oh look, they have it available in Silver.

Silver?!?

ORDERED.

SHIPPED.

RECEIVED.

Another cool thing here is that the eraser is actually adjustable. Unlike most I’ve seen, where it either screws outward (then seems to screw itself back inward) or just sits a hole (where you have to shove paper in behind it as it wears out), the Kuru Toga Roulette has a metal capsule which houses and grips the eraser. Once you have worn it down to require more rubber, the capsule comes out, and then one may adjust the eraser to the optimal length, then reinsert the capsule, which pinches the eraser, keeping it where it should be.

Well done Uni-ball. This needs to be sold in America. A little queasy about the market here? Drop some off at an Apple store.   

Starting off with bacon tacos. Which is really just taco meat that was cooked in bacon grease.

I suppose I should actually explain where the grease came from. Why, the bacon taco shells of course.

Some more grease flavoring was used for the avocado spread (which, btw was out of this world) along with an extra pound of bacon mixed in as well.

Burger spread.

Hmmm. This would be awesome with jalopeno poppers.

INSIDE THE BURGERS

I just made another patty and sealed the edges.

That’s bacon, burger stuffed with jalopeno poppers, with pepperjack cheese and bacon grease advocado spread.   Yeeeup.

Oh yeah, I had some mozzarella sticks too, so I made some tomato oniony basily parmesany stuff to spread on those burgers.

There were nine burgers,  one big bacon taco, and probably two gallons of chili-no-beans-cheese dip for seven people. We washed it all down with Four Locos and played Gran Turismo until someone went into a cardiac arrest.

Unfortunately, we devoured everything so quickly, that I could only get one measly photo of that popper burger. Maybe next time, without 7 hungry jackals around, I’ll take more shots of the final products

Salmon Patties

1 egg

1c saltines

1/2 sweet pepper

1 roma tomato

celery stalk

can salmon

melt some butter and brown each side

FroYo flavors: Double oreo, New York cheesecake, fresh strawberry, and loco coconut

Toppings: Fresh kiwi, strawberries, coconut, bananas, and cheesecake chunks

Dear Yorgurtland,

No, YOU rule.